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Existing During A Period Of Trying To Get It and Keep It Together

We've hit the end of the beautiful month of April. A month of hard truths, exhaustion, perseverance, confusion, and strength. This month was a difficult one unfortunately, but one that I think will unveil deep truths about myself, new and exciting journeys, promising reciprocative friendships, and dedications to passions I will always be afraid to pursue but have the questionable audacity to do anyways.

Hi, my name is Shardé Alexander. I am an inconsistent artist whose dream is to live solely off the art I make, teach it and the business component of it, own my own dual gallery and educational space, while simultaneously pursuing my equivalent dream of being an OBGYN (or something similar to it). A lot going on, I know. I’m still trying to reduce this all down to a light simmer of a dream that somehow meshes all these into one, or exist harmoniously like a nicely blended sauce without one overpowering another too harshly (can you tell I also like to cook?). Either way, I am passionate about both and settling for either will result in an equivalent happiness (I hope).

I currently live in the Inland Empire, bouncing between a few small California cities. I work as at Education Coordinator to a local museum central to Downtown Riverside, one that will soon not exist (wish me luck on finding a new job), and I am currently going back to school to get a Diagnostic Medical Sonography degree.

Pre- to mid- pandemic, I attended the University of California, Los Angeles where I got a degree in art and film and had the vision of living out my little struggle artist to overnight success pipeline dreams. That dream still exists, but with a more realistic plan and calmer pace. Art has always been my passion, since youth. I always knew I needed to stake my claim in the field, however finding the confidence and audacity hasn’t been so easy. I am learning as I grow, in fact, I officially completed a goal of mine just today (April 30th, 2024), with the completion of my first video performance video in 4 years (scary). Four years may seem like a long time to hold back for others, but for me I think it was the perfect timing for my own pace.

With that being said, I am wiping my slate clean. As stated earlier, April was an unusually rough month. The repeated mantra of “it’s darkest before the dawn” kept slipping past my lips after each unfortunate occurrence transpired. However, these experiences didn’t come without fresh eyes to see and life lessons learned. I am taking these events and converting them into fuel to pursue what I truly want in life. I realize, that I have held myself back from experiencing so much of what I could have. Now I am looking to use up all my time the way I want. No more what ifs, no more holding myself, downplaying myself, or self doubting. We’re also going to try and not let the self sabotage and insecurities fill my brain with nonsense! Consistently finding the audacity and courage is my drive for all of 2024 until it becomes habit!

I created this substack as a source of accountability, progress recording, and connection to others who may also be experiencing similar life whirlwinds. I was inspired by another friend who introduced me to this platform and after looking through some of the posts, I am awed by the distribution of love and care that can be received. I hope to talk a lot about late 20s frustrations, career navigation, dating (the lack there of, the poor selection, late blooming, etc.), friendships and maintaining them, and the chaos of being an artist when you don’t know where to start and you get too engulfed by the fears in your head.

I look forward to writing about my journey and look back on how far I’ve come! To many more life experiences! 🥂

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